The Melancholy of Haruki Suzumiya
by pause.rewind.PLAY
Summary: Kyonko is dragged into a world full of espers, time travelers, and robots when she meets Haruki Suzumiya, and nothing is the same anymore. GENDER SWAP. ORIGINAL RETOLD.


**A/N: **Yes, the script and monologue are directly from the anime. I'm basically re-writing everything according to the whole, er, gender swap. XD I'll change things around, of course, and throw in some more romance but it's pretty much like the anime/manga.  
I DO NOT OWN ANY CHARATERS.  
I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING IN HERE. NOT EVEN MOST OF THE DIALOGUE. XD  
But please don't flame me for having the exact same stuff. I had to re-watch the whole episode and write it accordingly. I took out stuff and added some, so….yeh. XD  
It was _a lot_ of work so if you want a second chapter, review! If I get no reviews there's no point in going through all that hard work for nothing. XD

* * *

Asking somebody how long they believed in Santa Claus is so stupid. You can't even consider it a topic suitable for idle conversation. But if you wanna know how long I believed in some old fat guy who wears a funky red suit, I can tell you this: I've never believed in him, ever. I knew that the Santa that showed up at my kindergarten Christmas festival was a fake, and I never saw Mommy kissing Santa or anything, but I have to say that even as a little kid, I knew better than to believe in some old man that only worked one day a year.  
Now having said that, it wasn't until I got older that I realized aliens, time-travelers, ghosts, monsters, espers, evil syndicates and the anime/manga/fantasy-flick heroes that fight said evil syndicates, were also fake.

I guess I always knew those things were bogus. I just didn't wanna admit it. All I ever wanted was for an alien, time-traveler, ghost, monster, esper, evil syndicate or the hero that fought 'em to just appear and say, "Hey!"

Unfortunately, reality is a hard road, indeed.

Yep, you gotta admit the laws of physics definitely put a damper on things. I even stopped watching those TV shows about aliens and ghosts and stuff. Aliens, time-travelers, espers—of course they don't exist but a little part of me wishes that they did. I guess I've grown up and realized that I can think about those things and still accept reality. But by the time I got out of junior high, I pretty much outgrew that kind of stuff. And I guess I got used to the idea of living in an ordinary world. And just like that, I was in high school. And that's when I met _him_.

It didn't all happen in a big huge romantic way. I didn't fall down the stairs and fall into his arms, I didn't fall in love at first sight, and—hell, I don't think I ever really loved him in the first place. He was more of an annoyance. You know…the annoying little buzz in your ear that, no matter how much you swat at it, it keeps buzzing on back to nip at your ear persistently?

The setting of our, er, meeting, was on a bright Monday morning at school.

"Nice to meet everyone. I hope we all have a good year together."

I bowed awkwardly at their unnecessary applause after my quite stiff introduction before I sat down. I heard a chair clatter right behind me as someone stood up abruptly and spoke in a strong, loud, clear voice.

"I'm Haruki Suzumiya, from East junior high. First off, I'm not interested in ordinary people. But if any of you are aliens, time-travelers or espers, please come see me. That is all."

I blinked ahead of me and the class was completely and utterly silent. I couldn't take it anymore; his words were so ridiculous. I turned in my chair, a bored expression on my face. "Is that supposed to be funny?"

I was even more surprised when I saw how handsome this strange boy was. He had bright brown eyes, soft brown hair falling in heavy bangs around his strangely fragile-looking face. His arms were crossed as if expecting a confrontation and his eyes actually lowered to meet mine when I spoke. Our gazes held for a moment and I found myself speechless. He turned away, glancing around him silently, and then sat down.

The flustered teacher suddenly sputtered, "Uhh, okay, next!"

Over time, I noticed something about Haruki Suzumiya. If he just sat there quietly, he looked like any other extremely handsome high school boy. If I hadn't been sitting in front of him that day, I might have even been confident in approaching him. But no, my seat just _happened_ to be in front of his, and I was _obviously_ there to witness his peculiar personality that fateful first day.

But I was still intrigued by him.

And, as I mentioned earlier, I just happened to be sitting in front of him.

I mean, can you blame me for wanting to exploit the seating arrangement so I could, um, get to know him better? Despite his strange words and weird way he held himself he was still a very interesting person—not to mention nice to look at. I may have been a little cynical, but I was still a high school girl.

So one day I managed to muster up enough courage to turn in my chair and talk to him.

"Hey, that stuff you were saying when you were introducing yourself…were you serious about all that?" I asked him, trying to act casual. His expression, solemn and serious, didn't change. He didn't even move his gaze to look at me. He just stared straight ahead. For a moment I thought I would have to repeat myself but then he spoke.

"What about the stuff I was saying?"

I blinked. "Well, you know, about aliens and stuff."

"Why? Are you an alien or something?" he asked me. I sweatdropped.

"Well, no, but I just..."

"'Well, no but you just' what?" he asked irritably.

"Well, I…just forget it," I gave up awkwardly, about to turn in my seat. His voice cut through the quiet with a loud, angry snap.

"Then why are we even talking right now? You're wasting my time," he turned his face away from me and somehow, I felt stupid.

It wasn't until lunch later that day that I found out about Haruki's—er…strange self. Apparently a few of my classmates were from the same junior high as Haruki and had no qualms about giving me advice.

"Look, if you're interested in Haruki, take my advice and just forget about him," Tana was saying as we ate lunch. She had a know-it-all smirk on her face as she waved her chop sticks around, rice flying across the desk and sticking onto the wall. I resisted the urge to tell her she was wasting food but decided to let her finish first. "After being in the same class as her for three years, I know him pretty well. Let's just say she's what you might call beyond eccentric."

"Like her introduction?" a girl I didn't know piped up with a giggle.

"Yep, in junior high I can't remember a day when he wasn't doing something completely weird," Tana said solemnly, wolfing down her food. Once she swallowed she said, "Ever hear of the 'quad scribbles' incident?"

I raised my eyebrow. "No, what's that?"

"You know that thing that draws lines on the athletic field? Well, he used that thing to draw this big, mysterious symbol on the school quad. He snuck into the school grounds at night to draw it."

"So you're telling me he did this all by herself?" I asked her, absentmindedly twirling my dark brown hair along my finger.

She snorted. I winced as rice flew from her nose and landed on the desk. "No doubt. And he totally admitted doing it," she put her lunch box down and looked at me, her eyes sparkling with energetic eagerness. "Oh yeah, and then one morning I get to class early and all the desks were shoved out into the hall. Then there's the time he painted a star on the roof! And this other time when he plastered these talismans all over the campus," she babbled, seeming a bit too excited to inform me of Haruki's strange behavior.

"I see," I said after a moment of silence. Tana sighed heavily, dropping her hands on the desk and letting her unkempt light brown hair fall against her face when she leaned closer to me, suddenly intense again. "But all the same, he's pretty popular. He's not too hard to look at, you know. And he's freaking amazing at sports. On top of that, he gets good grades. He's a super weirdo, but if he's standing there quietly, you'd never know."

_Yeah_, I couldn't help but think, _I got that._

I happened to turn my head slightly and caught movement out the window. I wearily peered out of it, alarmed to see Haruki lingering near the school pool. He stood in front of it, staring into the water intently. After a while of that he marched off. What a weirdo.

Tana added, "For a while he started dating. They never lasted long…and this girl that had the shortest relationship with him asked him out and he said OK, and it ended like, five minutes later." She sighed heavily. "I don't know why but he never turns a girl down when she asks him out." She spun to me, expression determined again and she waved her finger at me as if she was actually scolding me. "And so, before you get any bright ideas, girly, take my advice; forget it."

I rolled my eyes. "Forget it? What's to forget when I hadn't even thought about it?"

She snorted, turning around to stare at the ceiling thoughtfully. After a moment she said, "Well, if you were me, there's only one guy in this class to go after. And that's him."

I found at about the existence of Ryo Asaku during P.E. the same day. We were sitting on the bleachers and I was fiddling with my sweaty white gym shirt when Tana suddenly socked my knee. I grunted in surprise and pulled my leg back, giving her a look. "What?"

She was tugging at my sock and pointing at the track frantically, a sly grin on her face. "Ryo Asaku. He's in the top three on the freshman hottie list.

I gave her a bored look. "So, what? Are you telling us that you've already checked out all the freshman boys?"

She beamed. "Hell yeah! I ranked them all from A to D and I even went so far as to memorize the full names of all the A-list dudes."

The same girl I didn't remember from earlier tilted her head at Tana curiously. "Really?" she asked. "So what ranking did Asaku get?"

Tana smirked. "He gets double-A-plus. On top of being gorgeous, I bet his personality is wonderful. Not to mention…" her eyebrows wiggled suggestively as the so-called Asaku stopped running, trying to catch his breath, and pulled at his gym shirt to fan himself. I caught a glimpse of some impressive abs.

"Oh," I said, "that's nice."

I guess Tana didn't catch my sarcasm because she sighed. "Yeah I know, right? But he's like, untouchable."

"Why?" the girl I didn't know asked. (Gosh, I need to find out her _name_!)

"Because, the girls sort of have this unspoken agreement that we can look but don't touch," Tana explained. I rolled my eyes. How ridiculous.

As time passed, I noticed that bits and pieces of Haruki eccentricities were already starting to make themselves known.

Haruki eccentricity number 1.

A different hairstyle everyday.

I know this seems impossible for a man to do (and Haruki has normal, short but sort of long-ish hair) but Haruki found a way. He definitely found a way.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

As the days passed, the number of places he'd tie off her hair increased. On Monday, he resets his hair and then adds a tie off point each day until Friday. He always looked so ridiculous coming into the classroom every morning with tiny puffs of hair sticking up in random places. I was surprise nobody showed any signs of surprise at his appearance.

Haruki eccentricity number 2.

Our P.E. class is separated into boys' and girls'. When changing into uniforms, girls use the odd numbered classrooms and boys use the even numbered. It didn't matter that girls were standing around. He'd just start changing out of his school uniform! To Haruki, girls were pretty much the same as a bag of potatoes. Now, I know with him being a guy and all, changing out of his uniform in front of girls didn't seem that bad, but trust me…the way Haruki stripped made girls just about fall over themselves. I don't think he even realized what he was doing. God…really…

Haruki eccentricity number 3.

It was rather irritating that Haruki joined every team and every extra-curricular club the school had to offer. Every single one of the sports clubs lobbied for him to join their teams. And he turned every one of them down. He changed clubs on a daily basis depending on his mood. In the end he didn't remain a member of a single one of the clubs.

I mean, what the hell does he wanna do, anyway?

Before I knew it, time had once again passed and it was the day after the golden week vacation. I was entering the classroom, waving my school bag at my side, when I saw Haruki sitting in his desk as usual, his cheek resting on the palm of his hand. As if it were an every day thing, I thought breezily, "_Oh, I guess today's Wednesday, isn't it_?"

And with that thought, something must have snapped inside me. I can't think of any other reason why—

"So, do you change your hairstyle everyday to ward off alien invaders?"

—I was talking to Haruki Suzumiya.

He stared at me, bored. "So when did you notice?"

"Um, a while ago."

He turned to look out the window. "Oh, I see." He was silent for a moment then said, "Actually, I have this theory that each day of the week has its own image with a specific color that only goes with that day. And by colors I'd say that Monday is yellow, and Tuesday is red, Wednesday is definitely blue, and Thursday is green, Friday is gold, and Saturday is brown, and the color for Sunday is white."

I know it was pathetic, but it felt almost like we were having a real conversation for the first time. About how colors warded off aliens depending on the day. I guess I wasn't all that surprised; it was Haruki Suzumiya, after all. The only surprising thing was that I kind of understood what he was talking about.

"So if you turn them into numbers, Monday would be zero and Sunday would be six, right?" I suggested.

Without looking at me he said, "Right."

"I kinda feel that Monday is more like a one," I said off-handedly.

His eye twitched a little. "I don't think anybody was asking for your opinion!" he said in irritation.

I tilted my head a little. "Oh, is that so?"

He turned to look at me and our eyes met. It wasn't like the first time when it happened. It wasn't intense or intelligent or much of anything. It was just…sort of…well, _creepy._ Not to mention really awkward. I was sort of relieved when he finally spoke.

"Have I met you somewhere before like maybe in the past, or something like that?"

"Not likely," I said.

The next day, he had cut his hair. It used to curl around his neck, going only a little longer than usual, but now it was short and simple. He had a yellow headband in but that was it—no unusual hairstyle to ward off aliens. I found it strange that he would cut it off after I made the comment about his hair. When I mentioned this to him he had replied with, "Not really." As strange as it sounds, since that day, talking to Haruki right before homeroom started was becoming sort of a ritual.

On one particular day I asked him about the strange rumors going around.

"So, there's this rumor going around…is it true you've dumped every girl you've ever dated?"

He huffed, almost childishly, and turned to narrow his eyes at me. "And just what gives you the right to ask me a question like that? I don't know about anything you heard," he frowned and turned away from me. "Whatever. You wanna believe it, it's probably true."

"Well, with all that dating, wasn't there at least one girl you were even a little serious about?" I asked him.

"Absolutely not. They all took themselves way too seriously. And not even one of those dorks was an alien, time-traveler or even an esper," he explained haughtily.

"Err…that's how people are normally."

He whipped his head around to look at me. "Okay, so what's with most of them asking me out over the phone? I mean, shouldn't important stuff like that be done face-to-face, not phone-to-phone?"

"Yeah, I mean if it were me I'd ask him...then ask him out," I said cautiously, unsure of what he wanted me to say.

"Yeah, well none of that's important anyway!" he suddenly snapped.

I sighed. "So, what is?"

He only had to think about it for a moment. "Here's the problem: So far, the way it looks is that all the women in this entire universe are pathetic. I mean all through junior high that was the one thing that irritated me the most."

I rolled my eyes at him. "All right then, so what kind of guy would you have really be into, an alien or something?"

He perked up slightly. "Yeah! Anything like an alien, or something else along those lines. Anyway, as long as the person isn't an ordinary human, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl."

I felt myself feel a little irritated. "Hang on a sec," I said, holding up my hand. "What's wrong with being human? I mean, why do they have to be an alien?"

"Because that way, life's more interesting!"

I could only stare at his serious face as he said those strange, yet somehow true, words. I didn't know what I should say so I said nothing. It seemed appropriate.

The next day, Haruki left before I could say anything to him. Instead, Tana appeared in front of me, looking pretty determined about something. She blocked any means of escape, her skirt fluttering around her hips when she stomped her foot a little to get my attention.

"Hey, Kyon!" she said. I grimaced at the nickname. Kyonko, not Kyon. The stupid little nickname seemed to have already stuck. "You need to tell me what kind of magic spell you're using."

I yawned. "What're you talking about?"

"I have never seen Suzumiya talk that long before!" she said, waving her arms to emphasize her point. "And I'm not exaggerating—what the hell did you say to him?"

I scratched my head, a bit confused. "Huh? I wonder what I could've said to him...it was all pretty random stuff…"

Tana was practically sparkling. "This is a phenomenon!"

The girl—who I had found out was named Kunikida (or, commonly called 'Kudi' for some reason and went to my middle school) giggled a little.

"Kyon's always gone after the strange ones. The weirder the better," she said.

"A little louder, please, so everyone can hear you," I muttered sarcastically. I jumped when Asaku appeared in front of my desk, from literally nowhere, this little charming smile on his face, head tilted to the side slightly, dark green hair falling into glistening eyes.

"I wanna know how you did it. No matter how much I try to talk to him I can't get Haruki to answer any of my questions. What do you do to get him to open up? Do you have any tips for me?" he asked with that same smile on his face. I felt a bit awkward but shrugged casually, leaning back against my chair.

"No idea," I said honestly.

"Hmm…" He pursed his lips and tapped them. I swear I saw Tana swoon and drool a little as well. "Still, I think it's a good thing. I've been sort of worried about him always being completely alone in our class. I think it's really great that he's made at least one friend here."

The idea was new to me, but somehow, it amused me. "A friend, huh?" I might have actually liked the sound of it.

"Well, just keep doing whatever you're doing 'cause maybe he'll warm up to the rest of us. Since we're all in the same class, it'd be really for the best if everyone got along. And that's why I'm counting on you."

"Easy for you to say," I muttered.

He didn't seem to hear me. "In fact, from now on, if there's anything we need to say to her, we'll just talk to you, and you can tell her for us."

Eh? "Hey! Hang on a sec! What do you think I am!? Am I supposed to be your spokesperson or something?" I yelped, offended at the suggestion. Asaku clasped his hands together and made pretty big eyes at me, pouting to add to the cute effect.

"Pretty please?"

Tana was practically gushing drool from those grinning lips of hers as she shook me by the shoulders, almost frantically. "Kyon, we're buddies, aren't we? We're pals, right?" she begged.

I could only shake my head and mumble, "Everyone's turned into an idiot."

I don't think I realized it until my mom mentioned it to me one Sunday. She had convinced me to go shopping with her for my brother's birthday, and we were strolling down the bustling streets. I had somehow been forced to carry most of the bags and mother was rambling on about making me look more girly or something or other.

It was then I offhandedly murmured in a sarcastic breath, "Maybe Haruki has some hari styling tips," then snickered quietly. At this mother stopped abruptly, so fast that I rammed into her back head-first, nearly dropping my bags.

"Hey!" I complained. She suddenly turned to me with an indescribable expression.

"Haruki?"

"Uh…" I replied.

"That's a _boy's_ name!" she squealed. I grimaced. "Oh, Kyonko, my darling daughter, you've noticed _boys_!"

"Mom—"

"This means war!" she pointed to the sky in determination. I was stunned. My mother never acted so hyper before. It was startling, to say the least. "Let's get some summer clothes!"

"Mom, school only started…"

"But Kyonko, you look so darling in summer dresses," she said with wide, delighted eyes. "I'm sure this _Haruki_," she giggled at the name, "would agree."

"_Mother_," I said, horrified.

"Come on!" she said. It was at that moment that I realized how pathetic I was. I was ware that Haruki was a boy, don't get me wrong, but apparently I had never really paid much attention to the opposite sex. Um, sorry, but maybe I was too busy studying to get into a good high school.

"Mom," I complained an hour later as she tossed more dresses over the changing stall. I grimaced as I pulled a bright purple one out. "Seriously, my wardrobe doesn't need any more summer clothes."

"Yes!" she replied. I assumed she ran off to find more dresses. I sighed and decided to appease her, slipping into a white one that didn't look as horrid as the others. I frowned at my reflection, noticing that I had forgotten to put my long brown hair up in a ponytail. I didn't like how it fell around my face.

"Kyonko!" mother sang from behind the door. "Open up, I want to see!"

I swung the door open.

"Oh!" she gasped in glee. "Oh, how wonderful!"

"Mother," I said in exasperation. "We have brother's things. Can we go home now? I have homework."

"I'm sure you do," she said slowly, "but don't you wish to get this boy's attention?"

"Mother."

"Don't 'mother' me," she frowned. "Oh Kyonko, I wish you'd let your hair down more," she suddenly said, shaking her head. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"I want to go home."

"Pick a dress, then we'll go home," she said. I shook my head.

"Fine, fine, this one," I said, pulling a random one off the dresser door. It was a blue one….not hideous but not exactly my kind of dress. "Let's go."

When we got home mother insisted I put the dress on. When I obeyed and returned to the kitchen, mother was sparkling, father was mumbling about mother's money budget, and brother kept cackling at how ridiculous I looked.

Later, as I sat in my room in my pajamas doing my home work, I realized with a jolt how Haruki was invading my life outside of school as well. It was _his_ fault mother blew a casket abut a mere mutter of his name. It wasn't even my fault—I wasn't aware I spoke aloud.

Haruki Suzumiya was becoming a….er, parasite.

Oh heavens, please help me now…

Apparently, the teacher decided that she wasn't very fond of our seating arrangements. So we're changing seats. I picked a number out of a cookie tin that gave me the seat next to the window, second from the back. An awesome seat if I may say so myself. My last thoughts were, "Farewell, Haruki. Forever!"

Then I sat down and guess who got the seat behind me?

Yeah. Haruki Suzumiya. Coincidence?

Well, I couldn't just ignore him now that he's my seat-buddy again. I turned in my seat slightly to face him. "Hey, I heard you checked out all the clubs at school. Give me a heads-up if you know about any interesting ones, okay?" I smiled slightly.

He turned his nose at me and sighed. "Absolutely none."

I blinked

"_Absolutely none_," he said again, a bit fiercer this time.

Heh, it seems that he likes to use the word 'absolutely' a lot.

"I thought things would get a little better when I got into high school. But it's the same here as it's been throughout all these mandatory school years. Maybe I'm just in the wrong school," he said, looking out the window with what I thought, for a split millisecond, was a tiny pout. Then he went back to angry frowning.

"There was a club called 'The Mystery Research Club'," he suddenly said.

"Yeah? How was that?"

"It was hilarious. They told me they've never had anything they could even remotely call a case, and the members were of a bunch of mystery-novel otakus, definitely not master detectives," he explained, huffing and frowning at the memory of it.

"Well, that figures," I replied.

"Yeah. Well, I had a high hopes for 'The Supernatural Phenomenon Research Club', too. But that thing was just a bunch of occult freaks. What do you think of it?" he suddenly turned to me, seeming to genuinely want my response.

It felt…awkward, to say the least.

"I don't think about it," I admitted lazily, leaning back in my seat and crossing my legs. Apparently, according to Tana, I had the habit of 'sitting like a man' which wasn't a good thing to do wearing a skirt.

"Oh, man!" Haruki suddenly whined loudly, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "I'm so _bored_! With all these clubs, you'd think there'd be a couple of really strange cool ones out there!"

"Listen," I said coolly, "You can't help it if there aren't any. Besides, us normal human types, we've gotta be happy with what we're given. You know what I'm saying? You could look at this way; the people who don't like what they've got are the same people who invent things, and make discoveries, and advance civilization. They made airplanes 'cause they wanted to fly, and they made cars and trains because they wanted to go from place to place. It's as simple as that. The only reason that we've got all the things we have now is because a certain group of people got together and used their talent or imagination or genius or whatever to make it all possible. Ordinary people are probably better off living their ordinary little lives in an ordinary manner," I explained to him, leaning against the window of the wall as I spoke.

"Shut up!" Haruki snapped. I turned to see him staring at me angrily, lips pressed together in a thin, angry line.

After he turned away to glare out the window, I decided he was angry at me so I turned to my work. I hadn't been working for more than ten minutes before Haruki decided to violently grab the back of my sweater, yanking me back. I let out a cry of surprise and slight pain as I hit the edge of the desk. My chair flipped back to a standing position but my neck hurt. I jumped from my chair and spun to face him, gripping my throbbing head.

"What's _wrong_ with you?" I shouted.

He turned his faced up to grin at me. "I got an idea!"

"About what?" I growled as I rubbed my head and aching neck.

"I can't believe I didn't realize it before! It's so obvious!" he went on in excitement, jumping up from his chair to lean close and beam at me. It was considerably easy, since I stood at 5'4" and Haruki seemed to be only a little taller—probably 5'8" or 5'9"—why was I thinking about height at a time like this!?

"What is?" I asked painfully.

"If it doesn't exist, I should just make it myself!"

"Make what yourself?" I muttered in annoyance.

If possible, his grin widened. "Make a club!"

I sighed long and heavy. He was a real pain in my ass. "I hear you, but you've gotta calm down, all right?" I said cautiously, patting his rather broad shoulder awkwardly. I rubbed my head, resisting the urge to pull my high ponytail out. It didn't help the headache I could feel coming on.

He frowned at me. "What's with you? This is what we're talking about. You should be happier about this development."

"Well, we're in the middle of class," I pointed out, motioning to the silent, staring students. The teacher stood up front, holding her book, the chalk pressed against the chalkboard and her lips parted slightly, eyebrows raised so high they were barely visible under her furry white bangs.

I was surprised she wasn't angry. The other students merely giggled or smiled at me. After a moment Haruki calmed down and sat back down. I followed suit. After class, Haruki grabbed me by the ponytail and dragged me down the hall at a scary fast pace. He ignored my screams to let me go, because let me tell you, pulling at a girl's ponytail hurts like hell. I couldn't fight back or else it would hurt more…that was probably his plan.

"You're gonna help!" he demanded after we reached the top of the stairs, standing right outside the locked roof door. I blinked at him dully as he clutched my shirt, dangerously close to touching my chest. I didn't care, though, it was _Haruki._

I could only shrug helplessly. "What do you need help with?"

"Starting my new club! That's what!" he shouted as if it was obvious.

"First, tell me why I'm the one who's gotta help you set up a club that's your idea in the first place," I said in annoyance, then added, "And you can let go of the bow now."

Instead, he merely grinned at me and babbled on, " I'll find us a room and some members and I want you to personally handle all the paperwork that needs to be turned in to the school."

He wasn't even listening to me.

"Why don't you tell me what kind of club it's gonna be?" I dared to ask.

He _finally_ released my shirt and crossed his arms, frowning slightly at me. "Who cares about that right now? We've got to go make the club first. You got it? Do all that stuff before school ends, today. I'll find a room for the club by then."

Without waiting for my reply he rushed off.

And as I soon found out—

Rules for the creation of a new extra curricular group: at least five members, a teacher to supervise, a name, the name of the person in charge, the purpose of the organization.  
There's nothing for me to do. It's all on the back of the student handbook. And I can bet money on this; Haruki's little scheme? Yeah, well, nothing about it is gonna contribute to making school life more creative or more fun. I'm _positive_.

After the last bell rang I left my classroom and was instantly kidnapped by Haruki, who used a less-painful method and instead of grabbing my hair he grabbed my arm and dragged me down the rows of halls and, eventually, slammed a door open and revealed a small empty classroom.

"This is going to be our new clubroom!" he announced.

I snapped out of my confusion and frowned at him. "Hang on! I don't even know where we are right now!"

He pulled away from me and walked into the empty room, motioning to the space around him and smiling at me. "This is the cultural department," he explained. "The art club's got the art room, and the wind ensemble has got the music room. Am I right? Clubs that don't need specialized class rooms like that end up in this wing of the cultural department. They call it the old building. This room's for the literary club."

I sighed. "So then, it's the literary club's room." Really, he was like a kid.

He merely waved his hand as if it were nothing to worry about. "Yeah, I know, I know. But this past spring all the senior members left, so now the club's got no members and if nobody else joins, then that club's gonna be cut. Oh, and this boy's a new freshman member," he added randomly, pointing to a boy I hadn't noticed before. He sat in the corner near the window, silently reading a book. He had glasses and short, long-ish light violet hair that fell into deep, solemn eyes as he read, ignoring us completely.

"So, the club hasn't been cut then," I said, glancing at the silent boy.

"It's the same difference! Besides, he's the only one here," Haruki said.

"But what are we gonna do with him?" I asked wearily.

"He told me that he wouldn't mind it."

"Wouldn't mind what?" My eyebrow quirked. Haruki gave me an annoyed look.

"You know. Being in the club."

"You sure about that?"

"When I saw him at lunch," he explained, "I asked him if we could use the clubroom. He said 'go ahead.' He doesn't really care as long as he's got a place to read. I guess some folks are just strange like that, you know?" he laughed a little at that.

"Look who's talking," I mumbled.

The boy suddenly lifted his head to turn to us. "Yuki Nagato," he suddenly introduced himself in a pretty quiet little voice before he went back to reading.

I tugged at my uniform skirt and stepped forward a little. "Er, Mister Nagato, was it? You understand my colleague here wants to use this room for some other type of club? Are you okay with that?"

"I'm fine," he said without looking up.

"Uhh…you are?" He nodded again. "Okay, but I'm pretty sure that we're gonna end up causing you a lot of trouble, though."

"No problem," Nagato said quietly without moving.

"But someday, you might get kicked out of this room," I persisted, praying he might change his mind and claim the room.

Instead, he said, "Go ahead."

Haruki grinned, triumphant. "Well, there you have it. From now on, we're gonna meet here in this room right after school. And you'd better show up, Miss. 'Cause if you don't, it's the death penalty."

"Understood. I don't wanna die," I murmured, holding both hands in surrender.

"We need to find club members. We're gonna need at least two more people," Haruki said, scratching his head thoughtfully. "Don't worry," he said when he saw my look. "I'll get them in no time. I got a couple leads on some random people I can bring in."

I didn't know what to expect the next day. Haruki was in class but he didn't speak to me. If anything, it looked as if he was in deep concentration. Eventually, the last bell rang and as kids ran off to go home I was approached by a chipper Haruki, who told me "I'll meet you there" then rushed off.

I found myself shuffling over to the clubroom. Once I entered I saw Nagato on the other side of the room sitting on his chair, as usual, reading his book in silence. I hesitated but approached, curious to start a conversation with him since I have yet to hold one.

"So, what'cha reading?" I asked him timidly, not daring to attempt to read over his shoulder.

He was silent.

"Is it interesting?" I asked.

"Unique," he said blankly, eyes never leaving the open book

"Uh, so, what part's unique?"

He sighed as if the question was troublesome. "All of it," he said coolly. I was silent, eyebrow quirked as I observed his still form. He was strangely eloquent for a high school student.

"Er, you really like books," I decided to point out.

Nagato shrugged.

"Uhh…can I go home now?" I mumbled.

Nagato didn't reply. I was about to leave when, suddenly, Haruki burst through the door. He was smiling and had one hand outstretched, pushing the club door back as he stepped into the room.

"Sorry about that!" he said as he paraded in. "I'm a little late today 'cause it took me forever to catch him."

"Uhh…catch? Him?" I repeated slowly.

It was then that Haruki yanked someone from behind him. A small boy, though not so small but not so large, with ruffled orange hair and wide, scared brown eyes. He was quite cute, though not exactly the manliest boy I've seen before.

"What is this?" he asked, startled. "Uhh, where am I?" he turned to look at Haruki with wide eyes. "Why did you bring me here? Who are you people anyway?!"

His eyes widened when Haruki locked the door. "Why are you doing that!?" he cried in horror. "Wh-What do you want from me!" his eyes met mine. "My body!? Oh, not again…"

I covered my mouth to hide a smirk.

Haruki, though, just rolled his eyes. "Oh, be quiet." He turned to Nagato and I with a grin. "Allow me to introduce—Miku Asahina."

I chortled. "What a pretty name."

He went red and glared at me. I held both hands up in surrender.

"Where did you kidnap him from?" I dared to ask instead.

Haruki sighed. "I didn't _kidnap_ anyone. He came here on his own."

"Same difference," I muttered.

"I happened to see him daydreaming in the junior's classroom. I remember seeing him around sometimes so I decided why not? So here he is," he explained as if it made it okay. I mean, this was borderline illegal, right? This just couldn't be any kind of legal…er, right…?

"Unbelievable," I said. "Wait, hang on, did you say he was a junior?"

Haruki snorted. "So what if he is?"

"Why him?" I asked Haruki. Asahina was silent.

His mouth opened and he gave me a 'are you really that dumb?' sort of look. "What are you, blind? Just look at him!" he pinched Asahina's cheeks for emphasis.

_Great, now he sounds like a pervert._

"In this situation, moe is an important concept to keep in mind," Haruki said.

I was appalled. "Sorry, what'd you say?"

"Moe!" he repeated. "It's a rule that in stories with strange things going on—you need to have one moe character! It's essential!"

I blinked at him. "Wouldn't 'moe' be something a, er, girl has?

"The exception! Exception!" he called, ruffling Asahina's hair. He whined and I had to admit, if anyone emitted any sort of this co-called moe, it was this boy.

"Indeed," I muttered.

"We can dress him up~!" Haruki said. "Maid dresses," Asahina looked mortified at this, "maybe some bunny ears, or like, a school girl uniform—maybe yours will fit his," he said to me.

"What are you, an idiot?" I asked him.

"Nope, just thinking," Haruki said.

I rubbed my temple. "So Haruli, you brought this boy, Mister Asahina, all the way up here just because he happens to be cute, tiny and extremely er, moe? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

"That's right!"

I didn't think Haruki could get any dumber.

But man. He proved me wrong.

"I figured what the club needs more than anything is a mascot," he spun to the poor boy, "Mikuru, are you a member of any other school clubs right now?"

He bit his lip. "The Calligraphy club."

Haruki waved his hand carelessly. "Oh, you can quit that one. It'll just get in the way of our club's activities."

He trembled ever so slightly. "Ah. Well alright, I understand."

Er, _what_ did he understand?

"I'm going to quit the Calligraphy club and join this one," he said timidly, "However I don't really know what the literary club does. Could you at least tell me that?"

Haruki sighed. "We're not the literary club, Mikuru."

He smiled and tilted his head. "Huh?"

I took the liberty to explain. "We're sort of borrowing this clubroom for now, and the group you're about to join is something that Suzumiya is gonna be starting up," I sighed. "So far he hasn't figured out a name and has absolutely no idea what we're gonna be doing here anyway. Oh, and by the way, the boy sitting over there reading the book is the real literary club member."

He blinked. "Ah…oh…"

Haruki suddenly jerked up. "Okay, I've got it! I just figured out what we're gonna call ourselves." He cleared his throat. "May I have your attention please? The name of the heretofore nameless start-up club has just been decided! And its name is…" he paused dramatically. "The SOS Brigade!"

"SOS Bridage?" I asked wearily. He rolled his eyes.

"The Spreading excitement all Over the world with Haruki Suzumiya Brigade, duh! The SOS Brigade for short."

"So, we're just the 'brigade'?" I muttered. He ignored me, dragging Asahina off to try to convince him to wear some sort of stupid bear costume or something.

With that, our club's name was decided.

Uhhh…yay?

Whatever.

I really stopped caring long ago.


End file.
